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"Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. " [// END FORWARD \\]
P R E V I O U S L Y -O N -L O S T
A N D -N O W . . . Tuesday, 3rd February 2015 - 5:37pm || Good Dog Bar || Philadelphia, PA :: So.. here's the thing. It's been like five or so hours since ol' Gator and I patched things up. Hell, all it took in the end was a little whiskey and a bit of entertainment from those two goofs Rodd and Todd. Yeah, maybe CorVus helped the situation a bit. Since that moment? Shit, all hell has broken loose. The bar is sparsely littered with a few patrons. There's a group of four girls sitting at a booth in the corner.. They're attractive enough, or at least, they appear to be.. I've had a helluva' lot of whiskey and more than my fair share of shots in the past few hours. Not that I'm interested of course, I have Michelle, once I eventually patch things up with her. There's a few guys at the bar, trying to enjoy a nice cold beverage after work, though a couple of them seem less than impressed with myself and the rest of the crew. Hell, I can't blame them.. if we weren't spending so much damn money, I have little doubt we would have been kicked out by now. As it was, the barmaid seemed more than happy to keep serving us.. in fact, I swear she has a thing for me. You ever noticed that? The more drinks you buy, the drunker you get, the more you tip and the more they like you? Yeah, I think it's just my raw animal magnetism to tell you the truth. I mean, look at me.. what woman wouldn't want a piece of one half of the tag team champions? Ha, she plays her cards right and she might get the other half too. Get it? Nah, I'm kidding, I'm not sure I look look CorVus in the eye and retain a boner at the same time. That guy is weird. Really weird. You know what he said to me earlier? .........nothing. Never speaks to me. Oh, he'll talk to Gator until the cows come home but he never speaks to me. Damn cross-dressers. All I get is a flurry of sticky notes, and the last few haven't made any god damn sense. I don't know if he's playing with me or if he really wants me to meet him out back in half an hour. Ha. I'm rambling. Where was I? Oh yeah.. Ali Cobrin. Damn, that girl is fine as hell. You know, if I... :: "Man, the hell [hic] are you doing?" "What?" "You've been [hic].. you've been talking under your breath to that chair for five minutes now." :: Snapping myself out of my drunken thoughts, I become aware that I am indeed staring blankly at an empty wooden chair. I slowly begin to laugh at my own situation as Gator slams a beer into my chest, forcing me to grasp at it and clutch it with my right hand. :: "Saney baby, you are white girl wasted!" :: Gator begins laughing with me as he stumbles forward and grabs the empty chair. It takes him a couple of tries to grab the back of it, but once successful, he drags it around next to mine. We both stop laughing and take a swig of our beers. :: "You know what man, I'm [burp].. I'm sorry for the whole losing my shit at you thing.." "No, no, no. I'm sorry. I [hic] should never have texted Lane.. that's my [hic] bad." "No it's not man, he's your friend and you know what? Now, he's my friend too." "What? Really?" "Sure! Any friend of Gator's, is a friend of mine." :: I raise my beer to Gator and he raises his, tipping it forward clumsily and cracking my bottle a little harder than he anticipated, beer flying out of the top of his bottle. We both tilt our heads back and go to take a drinks, but I stop suddenly as a thought enters my mind. I slam my open right hand onto the chest of Gator before he can consume the brew. :: "Wait!" "What?" :: With Gator now sitting there with his beer lowered and giving me as much attention as he can muster, I lean back in my chair and narrow my eyes at him. :: "You're not..." :: I feel something crawl up the back of my throat, but swallow it down, gulping visibly before continuing as my body sways slightly. :: "You're not friends with that hobbit guy are you?" :: It takes Gator a moment to process my question as he sways slightly back and forth too. He scratches his head before responding. :: "Merry?" "No, you know the one!" "Pippin?" "No! Argh, what's his name again?" :: Gator lowers his head and places one hand on top of it as he racks his brain. I begin tapping myself on the forehead trying to think of it. In a flash, Gator snaps his head back up, I mean damn, I can almost see the light bulb appear above him. :: "...[hic]...BILBO!" "NO! That little garden gnome I'm [hic] facing this week!" "Oh.. Frodo? Hahaha! Fuck no Justin, I don't.. [hic].. trust anything under four feet tall that isn't on a.. [hic].. leash!" "Yeah, that's him.. Frodo. Fucking midget. I hate midgets. And you know what's bullshit? [hic] I can't even tell that motherfucker he's half the man I am and have it be insulting, because.. [hic].. he really is! I mean, what the fuck, Gator? What am I supposed to say to him?" :: There is a pause as Gator looks lost deep in thought. He finally responds. :: "Hmmm. I had burritos last night, right?" "Right." "Well, this morning [hic] dude, my guts was aching.. I mean real bad [hic]. I went to the bathroom man, and I took the biggest dump. I mean, you [hic].. you've got no idea." "Hahaha.. and it looked.. [hic].. just like Frodo, right? That's what I say?" :: Gator just stared at me for a moment, which confused me. :: "Who?" "...[hic] Fromo! Frodo! We were just talking about him!" "Oh.. oh dude, I was just.. [hic].. telling you about the shit I took this morning." :: I stare at Gator with my mouth open and eyes glazed over, watching as he starts chuckling to himself and raises his beer to his lips, before draining it entirely. :: "Your.. [hic].. your hook, oh Insane One." :: I look at my half empty beer, before draining it myself. At least, I attempted to, but beer started spilling out of the corners of my mouth and down onto my shirt. I am about to get out of my seat, when a familiar song starts playing. :: :: Gator and I both stop and slowly turn our heads in the direction of the jukebox. On the way, my gaze passes Rodd and Todd slumped in a heap on the floor, passed out with their guts hanging out of their shirts. BBQ sauce and chicken wing grease is smeared all across their fat faces. My sight finds the jukebox, and in front of it is a space that has been cleared to form a dance floor. I see a pile of tables and chairs to the right of the empty space, and it soon becomes clear who is responsible. Moving slowly across the space, bobbing slowly up and down with his beer raised in the air, is CorVus. His head hangs low as he embraces his own music and smooth's his way around the dance floor. Gator begins pissing himself laughing. :: "Hahaha! Looks like CorVus finally.. [hic].. picked up a bird!" :: It takes a moment, but I quickly catch onto what Gator is rambling about. The site is most disturbing, to say the least. There, in front of CorVus, moving around the dance floor with him.. is his crow. His little feet tapping up and down as he and CorVus perform some kind of awkward two step, I find myself mesmerized by the site before me.. then I laugh.. a lot. Gator and I are in hysterics as we watch the two move around the empty floor. Two of the guys sitting at the bar decide that things just got too weird, and get up and leave. The girls in the corner are having a giggle fit, and I can't really blame them. :: "Haha, man you want another.. [hic].. wet pussy shot?" "Haha nah man, fuck that.. I've.. [hic].. smashed so much wet pussy today that I feel like a porn star. How about.. [hic].. something a little stronger?" "....ever had a wolf shot?" "Does a polar bear shit in the woods?" "I don't know man, why do you always ask me that?" "Because I.. [hic].. want to know. No, no wolf shot." "Ever?" "In ever of evers." "Gator.. [hic].. I'm about to fuck you up!" "You're later than a pregnant woman's period.. [hic].. but okay." :: I start making my way towards the bar, but stop at the sight of CorVus and his crow again. I chuckle as I turn to Gator. :: "Dude, why don't you go and get CorVus a REAL bird while I get the shots?" "Haha, I'm on it." :: Gator gets up as I make my way to the bar and he heads over towards the group of girls. I lean on the bar with my left elbow, switching my eyes between Gator going to work and CorVus cutting a rug, the latter still being one of the funniest sights I have ever seen. I see my future wife approaching me from across the other side of the bar, and swing around to face her. I think I look incredible, and that the smile I am flashing looks like that of a hollywood movie star, when in reality I probably look like one of the emu things from Australia that just pulled its head out of the dirt. :: "Haha don't you think you've had enough, Justin?" :: She knows my name! I knew it! She must have been asking Gator about me. :: "Oh, so you know my name, huh?" "What? Well, yeah, you've only told me about twenty times already." "Seriously? I have?" :: Damn. But she's laughing though, so I guess maybe she thinks it's cute. In fact, I'm sure she does. :: "Haha, yeah. You sure you want another drink?" "Drink, phone number.. [hic].. whatever's going." :: Smooth, nice! I wink at her, or at least I meant to, but I think I just blinked instead. She places her hands on the bar and smiles. :: "Drink it is. What's your poison?" "Damn. Wolf shots." "What shots?" "Wolf.. [hic].. you know, Green Chartreuse and Tabasco sauce? Four drops." "Ew, sounds revolting." "HEY, SANEY BABY!" :: I spin around to look at Gator, who is sitting in the booth with three girls, pointing to the dance floor with a massive grin on his face. CorVus is now engaged in a three way dance the likes of which I am sure he is not accustomed, as one of the broads now occupies the dance floor with he and the crow, forming a little dancing triangle. I stare at the scene before me with a goofy grin on my face, goofy laughter escaping my mouth as I hold onto the bar for balance. I offer Gator a thumbs up and turn back to the barmaid who is giggling. :: "Your friend seems to be enjoying himself? How many shots?" "Haha isn't he.. [hic].. awesome? One for everyone, and chasers.. whatever.. [hic].. they're drinking." "You got it." "Oh, hey!" :: I grab her arm just as she is about to turn away from the bar. I look into her eyes. :: "What's your name?" "Again, twenty times. It's Emma." :: Emma. What a name. I smile as I let go of her arm and go to sit down on the stool beside me, not taking my eyes off her. The side of my ass glances the edge of the chair and I feel myself go way off balance, but it's too late to do anything.. THUD! I land hard on the floor and my head connects with the leg of the stool. I hear an eruption of laughter come from Gator across the room as he comes rushing over. In his drunken haste, his foot clips the leg of another stool and he comes crashing down in a heap on top of me. We both laugh, as do the group of girls and couple of blokes remaining at the bar. Within seconds, our laughter is interrupted by two black, gloved hands that grab each of us by the shoulder and drags us to our feet. CorVus is standing there, looking between us both with a blank expression. Our laughter eventually subsides and Corvus tilts his head, looking directly at me. :: "..." "What?" "..." :: I frown at Corvus, who rolls his eyes and goes to dig into his jacket, but Gator slaps a hand on his chest to stop him. :: "I.. [hic].. I got you. Sane, he wants the note back." "Which note?" "..." "The one that says to meet him out back in.. [hic].. thirty minutes." "What? Why?" :: CorVus looks over in the direction of the dance floor, where the young brunette is still dancing with his crow. Gator's exposed mouth grows wide with excitement. He gets CorVus in a playful headlock and starts running his knuckles across the top of his head. :: "You old dog, you! I knew you had it in you!" :: CorVus pushes Gator of and throws his head back, letting his hair fall back into place. He straightens his jacket. :: "..." "My bad, man." "Seriously though dude, nice work!" :: I hold my hand up for a high five, but CorVus leaves me hanging. I awkwardly lower my hand, and he holds his out in front of me. :: "Oh, the note! I.. [hic].. I don't have it." "..." "Whoa, easy there casanova! The man.. [hic].. obviously didn't know you were going to want it back." "What? What he say?" "Said he's going to kill your family and feast on their entrails.." "What?!" "Haha.. [hic].. gotcha! He said he'll rip your nipple off." "Not much better." "There you go, boys." :: Emma sets a tray of shots and chasers on the bar. Gator's quickly calls out to everyone in the bar to join us as we start placing the drinks in a line on the bar. CorVus makes some weird, indistinguishable noise and his crow leaps off the dance floor and lands on his shoulder. The young brunette from the dance floor sidles into the bar besides CorVus, placing her hand on his shoulder. CorVus looks at me with a drunken smile.. I merely shake my head and laugh. Everyone grabs their wolf shot and I hold mine up. :: "To Defiance! To me kicking Frodo's ass on Madness! ............ And to CorVus finally getting laid!" :: A cheer goes up, and even CorVus raises his glass with that same goofy smile on his face, his drunken eyes half closed. We all down the shots, and everybody grimaces. I feel the tabasco burning my throat as the evil liquid makes its way down my throat and settles in my stomach. It instantly reacts with everything else in there, and I can feel trouble brewing. I look across to Gator, who has his tongue in the glass, making sure its clear of any liquid. I feel myself start to sway and my mouth begin to salivate. :: "You.. [hic].. you okay man?" :: Nope. Not okay. I push away from the bar and start making my way towards the men's room, Gator calling after me. :: "Haha! Oh no way man, you can't.. [hic].. spew!" :: I throw my middle finger up in his direction and charge through the bathroom door, planting my hands on the sides of the basin just in time. A cocktail of beer, whiskey and shots comes hurling violently out of my mouth and hits the sink with with a splash! As power chunders go, I was quite proud of myself, it was massive. The vomit ricochets off the sink and lands on my hands and forearms. I spit, twice, then turn on the cold water taps and cup my hands underneath the running water, filling my mouth with glorious H2O and swishing it around to gather up the remaining vomit, before spitting it back into the sink. I was my hands and forearms, then splash some water in my face, rubbing it with both hands. I turn the tap off and grab some paper towel, drying my face and hands, before tossing the towel. I instantly feel good again. Fucked, sure.. drunk off my ass, but I've got my second wind. Just then, Gator bursts into the bathroom. :: "Did you spew?!" ".....no." "Haha! Dude, you totally spewed! That's awesome! Feel better?" "Much." "Good! 'Cause.. [hic].. 'cause I got an idea." "What is.. [burp - vomit flavored].. it?" :: Gator hands me the beer in his left hand, which I take, and he drinks the one in his right. As he lowers the beer, I see a smirk break across the exposed lower half of his face. :: "....wanna race?" :: I raise my eyebrows, having no idea what he is on about. But hey, what's the use of having a second wind if you're not going to use it? :: "Sure." "Awesome! This is going to be.. [hic].. INSANE!" :: Gator leads the way out of the men's room, talking to me over his shoulder - "see what I did there?" - as he laughs. I would say that I'm probably going to regret this tomorrow morning, but the fact is, unlike Frodo Smackins.. I don't live in the past.. I live in the now. :: T O -B E -C O N T U E D . . . |
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